I'm down with S.B.D. (yeah you know me)...

How funny... I am embarking on week 2 of Phase 1 of the aforementioned South Beach Diet. Great minds, eh? How long have you been on it? Week 1 went fine, I guess, since I haven't cheated and eaten any sugar (which is amazing in itself). I have decided not to weigh myself but just gauge my success by how my clothes fit. I get too hung up on the number and allow it to take over my life (kind of like my crusade against ignorant cruelty to cats).

I would welcome any recommendations you have though, it sounds like you're both doing well on it. How interesting that after us both doing Weight Watchers that we are both now trying South Beach. It's like when twins are separated at birth but both move to the same town and have dogs named Toy.

Well la-dee-dah, David Sedaris... thank God you're finally getting some culture in there between cat-hating postings. We saw him in Washington when we took our post-wedding trip to Seattle, in 2003. So HAH. Been there, done that (where does this feverish pursuit of one-upmanship come from???). I personally can't wait until the Strangers With Candy movie comes out! I am pleased that you enjoyed it... did I mention we saw Jon Stewart on April 1st? His standup is so satisfying... he says all the things you knew he wanted to say on the Daily Show but couldn't. Namely, the word cock.

Top THAT!!!

Kittens and Monkeys and Weight Loss. Oh, My!

We went to see David Sedaris read at the Orpheum Theater on Saturday night, and I have not laughed that hard in a long time. The stuff he read was truly inspired. He's started writing what he calls "fables" now, which are basically character and conversation studies, but with cats, baboons, hens, and roosters as the main characters instead of people. The first one he read, for example, was about a cat getting "groomed" by a baboon in preparation for her attendance at a wedding. Insightful hilarity ensued. He also read a lot about monkeys, thanks to his obsession, and even read some of his diary entries, which were a real treat!

I bring this up not only to brag that I saw David Sedaris, nyah, nyah!!!, but also because at one point in a particularly hilarious story (involving a refreshingly ample amount of profanity), he mentioned the act of kicking a kitten. I knew Lisa would appreciate it because, in context, he was describing the way he felt after berating a cabbie he'd had in New York when he was visiting his sister Amy -- he'd done it but he'd felt badly afterwards. I think there's something we can both agree on there, right, Lisa? Oh, and speaking of Amy, David reports that she is currently writing a homemaking book a la Martha Stewart. I can hardly wait to see that.

BTW, if you're sufficiently jealous, you could always head down to the bizarro-tropolis of Bloomington, Indiana to catch his reading at Indiana University tomorrow night. Tickets are still available via Soul-Suck... er, I mean, TicketbeastMaster. Otherwise, get your hands on today's issue of The New Yorker (April 18th, 2005). The issue is devoted entirely to travel ("The Journeys Issue"), and therein can be found one of David's stories entitled "Keeping Up" (p. 92). He read this to us on Saturday. It's one of his meandering tales that begins in front of his apartment in Paris, where Americans invariably stop to argue, and eventually winds its way to how his boyfriend Hugh's fast-paced walking leaves him in the dust and how he is going to leave him because of it. It's a wonderful love story.

And in totally unrelated news, I would like the record to show that before I headed to Atlanta, I had lost a grand total of 18.5 pounds (in four weeks). I'll report on the weight re-gain (if any -- although surely the existence of this parenthetical itself will serve to jinx its own optimism) upon my return.

Spring and travel has me wistful. I miss you people. Where are you, Aimee? Chad? Jeremy?! When's the reunion?!?!

South Bee-yatch

Well, what I was referring to is here. However, due to my continued diet-related ignorance, I got it wrong. It's zero carbs, not zero calories.

DeeDee is the one who keeps track of the nutrition information on this diet. I have finally learned about how to take Total Carbs and subtract Dietary Fiber -- and how to be conscious of Calories from Fat -- when making decisions about what to eat and what to avoid.

We're on the South Beach diet -- I did two weeks in Phase 1 and lost 10 pounds, and am now on my second week of Phase 2. So far, I'm down a total of 16 pounds, which is 4 pounds away from my first goal. I've since added another 10 pounds to that goal.

However, bad news looms ahead. Next week, I'm travelling for work for a week. I predict sticking to a diet will be made very challenging. Wish me luck.

You win, anyway.

I guess it doesn't matter who proved to out-snark whom... the law passed anyway and Wisconsin officially has lost its "heaven on earth" status in my mind... and probably gained it in yours, Andy!

I loved your post though, Andy, with all the endearingly nerdy Knight Rider factoids (you definitely have the right audience here). I've really missed them!!!!

(Did I ever tell you about the time my brother Eric got a toy K.I.T.T. for his 6th birthday and it was one of the ones that talked, but when he opened the box and played it, it spoke Spanish? What made it funnier was that my mother, having been a Spanish major in college, was the only one in the family who could understand what it was saying... we still tease her that she only got it so she could show off.)

I'm glad you appreciated my "Cotton Eye Joe" remark... and it's true. We made sure to play it at my wedding, and it was a slice of fried gold (to quote Simon Pegg in Shaun of the Dead)!

P.S. Where do you get zero-calorie Carnation Instant Breakfast???

D'oh! [+0]

Well, at first I was ready to fire back a snarky retort about how Lisa missed my subtle cultural reference, but then she a) forced me to Google that reference only to discover that I was remembering it wrong, and b) diffused the whole issue with the whole anniversary discourse.

Sigh.

So, first of all, congrats, Aimee and Kevin! And congrats, Lisa, for making me snort 0-calorie Carnation Instant Breakfast out my nose at reading the Rednex line.

And secondly, in my own defense, my intention in mentioning KATT (not KITT -- I know KITT... believe me, I know KITT; I not only watched Knight Rider 2000 when it premiered on NBC the week of my Birthday in 1991, but I had eagerly awaited it beforehand) was as a reference to evil (pronounced: "E"-vill). My mistake was simply in the name of KITT's "evil twin." It was, in fact, KARR. I am presently (and perhaps forevermore) hanging my head in shame at the gaffe.

I was then going to mask my pain with another snarky comment about the fact that the writer(s?) [it takes more than one?!] of Knight Rider actually conceived a plot in which KITT -- not Michael, but his car -- had an evil twin. But then I thought twice, as surely Knight Rider hadn't jumped the shark already in season 1... and since we all know Jeff Chaucer originally conceived of the concept of the evil twin and all attempts to translate that on the screen are surely done so in homage to him.

...or was that DOOL?

Happy 8th Anniversary Aimee and Kevin!

Aimee and Kevin were married eight years ago today in a lovely winter snowstorm. I was lucky enough to be maid of honor and fondly remember that day... the first time I ever had my eyebrows waxed. It changed my life... but I digress.

I can't believe you've been married that many years already, Aimee... where does the time go? You and Kevin are definitely an inspiration to me and Nate - I hope we can look back on our eight-year anniversary and celebrate such incredible memories (and maybe a kid or two) ourselves!

The one other thing which I remember most fondly from that snowy Wisconsin day: the realization that the one perfect ingredient for any wedding isn't the beautiful bride, the handsome groom, or even the open bar.

It's "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex.

K.I.T.T.

That was the name of the car in Knight Rider... perhaps you were getting it confused with William Katt, The Greatest American Hero? Again, cats = superheroes! (Catwoman doesn't count)

You know what I think, though, Andy - you just haven't been around awesome cats like mine. Cats can be very dog-like - they can fetch, come when you call them, and crave affection like dogs do. I know that Sadie is a genius and everything, but when cats pay attention to you, it's almost a compliment... they choose to hang out with you, whereas most dogs just want a warm body. I don't want to quibble about this, though.

I wasn't a dog person (I thought they were hyper, loud, and smelly) until I became a dog walker, and now I love them both equally (I found out that being hyper, loud, and smelly is just part of their charm!). But please, Andy, can't you dislike cats without posting news articles about people shooting them?

P.S. I'm glad you posted a message, at least. I was afraid you'd forgotten about us!

Cats <shudder>

Who says my hostility toward cats has to have resulted from some deep-seeded, long-since-repressed, traumatic catalyst? Maybe a cat wronged me in one of my past lives. Nothing in particular has turned up in my dreams, though, so I doubt that.

Frankly, I think it's quite a bit more innocent than that. Some people are cat people, and some people are dog people. Some are even both. The people in the first two camps have a preference. I happen to prefer dogs to cats. My reasons are largely based on my own opinions (and everyone knows how easy it is to change someone's opinions). For example, I think dogs are smarter and more fun that cats. Sadie (our Border Collie) knows about 40 commands and can identify over 50 different toys by name. Cats are good at ignoring people. But hey, apparently you can dress 'em up like stuff, so cat people have that goin' for 'em.

Also,

• Cats, the musical
  
• Catwoman, the movie
  
• Katt, from "Knight Rider"
  

...all evil.